He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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