You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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