You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I could fuck to npr.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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