Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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