party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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