hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
