you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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