i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
