apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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