i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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