my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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