i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
