I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
