How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
