She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
