I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Screwed.edu
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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