i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
