You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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