batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
