I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
