it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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