i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
