I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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