So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
