you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
