"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
