Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
bring money and cleavage
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
