I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
