I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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