anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
