So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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