i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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