How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
