Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
