when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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