just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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