I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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