Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
