Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
