You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
