And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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