well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
