I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
