I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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