good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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