I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
