you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
