can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
