Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and she was petting her beer can
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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