Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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