If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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