I love black thongs
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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