Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize