I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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