i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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