I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
