her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I didn't notice because vodka
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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