I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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