So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
