im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
