Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You made out with two different species that night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
