I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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