She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
