He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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