WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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