just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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